Aihe vapaa En tiiä saatana

[qualitymonkey]

Its fine i can be in denial

I AM a girl though

Yet it feels... Well... Idk if weird is the right word

 

[qualitymonkey]

But i AM a girl still

 

[qualitymonkey]

Good god i hate my breasts

 

[qualitymonkey]

This is fun

 

[qualitymonkey]

Dont think about it

 

[qualitymonkey]

You know what i just understood it

Or maybe i understood it earlier

But it DEFINITELY has to do with ocd

Definitely

Just like everything else too

 

[qualitymonkey]

Yup

 

[qualitymonkey]

Koska se on päähänpinttymä mikä tavallaan tulee ocd:stä niiku kaikki muutkin on. Sen tyyppinen päähänpinttymä että "ei saa olla nainen" tai että siinä on jotain outoa etc.

Ja sitten sekin että mietin oonko pilannu mun kehon jollain tavalla, sekin on ocd:tä. Se on samantapanen kun lian kanssa, kun en halua sotkea mitään, niin samalla tavalla en haluu niin sanotusti pilata mun kehossa mitään tai silleen.

 

[qualitymonkey]

Ja sitten se on just sellainen että onko varmasti ok olla nainen yms

 

[qualitymonkey]

Its all mental stuff

 

[qualitymonkey]

Theres nothing wrong with my body but my mind is... I mean theres nothing wrong with it but my mind works in a different way

 

[qualitymonkey]

Now i see

Im definitely not transgender

My mind just works in a different way

 

[qualitymonkey]

Im definitely not ugly either im just..... Yeah.. my mind...

 

[qualitymonkey]

No seriously why dont i feel female

Or maybe i do

I dont even know?????????

 

[qualitymonkey]

I dont even

I do not know what i feel

 

[qualitymonkey]

Almost like my mind is confused and i cannot "remember" / "understand" i have breasts and vulva and i should be female

 

[qualitymonkey]

Almost like i dont even know it

 

[qualitymonkey]

Ok it helps if i SEE my breasts

Then im like okay okay good im a girl

Weird

 

[qualitymonkey]

If i dont look at them then im like "i dont know/remember my gender fr"

 

[qualitymonkey]

Tai silleen "im not sure"

 

[qualitymonkey]

Mut sit oon sillee ah i see, im a girl cause i look like a girl

 

[qualitymonkey]

Muutoin mul ei oo mitään connectionia tai tietoa siitä if i dont see it

 

[qualitymonkey]

Nyt oon et oh okay good to know

Otherwise i dont feel anything

Its just my body and even that doesnt work if i dont see it at the moment with my eyes

 

[qualitymonkey]

Otherwise im like "huh????????"

 

[qualitymonkey]

Arvaa kuinka äsken vaa ajattelin et olisin tyyliin.. sängyssä eunkwangin kaa? Tai en tiiä mut jotain eunkwangista kuitenkin aattelin. Sit vaa olin sillee HUH??? HOW DO I KNOW IM FEMALE THOUGH? XD totaalinen disconnection i really didnt feel like anything like i wasnt even sure that i had a vulva at all

Ihan totaalinen disconnection

 

[qualitymonkey]

But i do have it??????

 

[qualitymonkey]

Right

I do

I wouldnt have my periods if i wasnt female

Miten voi olla noin disconnected? Mistä toi johtuu. Ihan helvetin outoo. Its like i really didnt know.

 

[qualitymonkey]

Maybe its also depersonalization

Cause i do have that too

 

[qualitymonkey]

Lord

It doesnt help that i..... I dont even look feminine yet i have periods i kinda feel like a man or something

Because i look very unfeminine

Its like

Its difficult to feel.............. Idk. Female

Cause

Um

I dont feel feminine at all lmao

 

[qualitymonkey]

I dont even

Okay

Im masculine as hell

And not in that cute trendy way

But like seriously i feel masculine as hell