I know i have to ACKNOWLEDGE the truth, me being genderfluid. Because it's true. That's the whole reason why i experience horrible body dysphoria. I don't want to be female. That's what makes me genderfluid, really. But i also AM female. My sex is ALWAYS female. So thats a mismatch. I AM female. But im fluid because i DONT WANT TO BE. because i have bad dysphoria. At least sometimes. But i have to somehow accept both things. I have to accept the fact that im genderfluid and have horrible dysphoria. But i also have to accept the fact that my sex is female, always and forever, always has been, always will be. Genderfluid is just the reason WHY i have dysphoria. Why i HATE being female. But i AM. but of course at the same time i AM genderfluid, its just a different thing. It doesn't change my sex and it never will, and i have to accept my sex somehow if I want to even live at all. But i think it's also okay to just be genderfluid and twist reality a little if it helps at all, because anything that helps.. is good. Cause i dont wanna die. Thats right. I dont wanna die but gender dysphoria makes me suicidal.
And it just gets so complicated
But I'm sorry. But i just dont want to be female. But i hope this goes away. I want to switch back. It kills me.